Unreliable sources close to classic rock superstars, Streetheart, have admitted “Snow White” no longer stays out all night.  Unconfirmed reports indicate she hasn’t stayed out past 10pm for years and is now a teacher in her 50’s.

“Since I hit menopause I get up early and need a nap after work,” explains White.  “I’d hang out with the band more if they had afternoon shows.”  All these revelations come ahead of the bands concert planned for Saturday Aug. 9 at the Portage la Prairie Potato Festival.

“Underneath her school uniform is still quite alarming but for different reasons now,” said a fictitious member of the band.  “Shakin’ in the hot lights is still possible, it’s just different parts shakin’ now.  And the lights are more like hot flashes.”

In related news, the band is not able to “get it up one more time” without a prescription and age has apparently been catching up with them.  “I don’t hear a word.  I don’t hear a thing.  I need something to make me feel better,” said lead singer Kenny Shields.

“What kind of love is this?” said Shields while waiting for a recent prescription to be filled.  “I’m waiting in line.  I’m wasting all my time.”  Band members and fans have found solace in the irony of the lyrics of their beloved teen anthems.

“When I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night it takes me “forever, forever and ever and ever and a day,” said imaginary super-fan Steve.  “I just hum a few bars of a Streetheart song to relax my prostrate and it helps.”

Streetheart is headlining this years Portage Potato Festival and promise a set of all killer and no filler as they rock all their mega hits from the 70’s and 80’s.  Snow White, Action, Under My Thumb, What Kind of Love is This, One More Time, Here Comes the Night,  Hollywood and many more fill Streetheart’s catalogue of rock classics.

Check out the bands website here.

Check out Potato Festival website here for all the details.


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