by Carl Bunso

A local councillor hopeful popped by our house the other day to have a little chat with me. I suspect now that I am a contributor for a media conglomerate I’ll be receiving more than my fair share of attention in an attempt to leverage my influence. I had to be clear with him that my voice is not for sale. In fact, I’ll tell you what I told him; my voice is going to be used in a totally unbiased way to strongly advocate for the things only I care about.

He seemed to understand and was still kind enough to ask me what concerns I might have about Portage. I told him just his genuine interest was enough to secure my vote and rushed to the kitchen to get him a cookie. Then over milk and cookies, I laid it out for him what was on my mind, namely, the absence of painted lanes on the stretch of road between Sobey’s and Co-op. To me, this is election issue #1. Why?

Portage has the no-line blues

Portage has the no-line blues

I gave him these 5 reasons:

1. Winkler and Steinbach have painted lines.

I hate it when they have things we don’t. Even when there are good reasons for that.

2. It would help with the chaos during Co-op rebate cheque week.

Painted lines would ensure rebate week goes off without a hitch. But as it is right now there are Oldsmobiles and New Yorkers lined up five abreast both ways and it’s only a matter of time before someone breaks a hip.

3. The green turning arrow is always a surprise.

If there was painted lines reminding us as we approach the intersection that there are two lanes AND a turning lane we wouldn’t gun it when we see the opposite light turn yellow. Who hasn’t braked in shame after surging 4 feet into the intersection prematurely?  I get caught every time.

4. It will trigger a domino effect.

Studies show when there are broken windows in a neighbourhood people are more likely to urinate on the side walk. Fix the windows and people realize “this is not the sort of neighbourhood in which one relieves themselves on the side walk”. The same logic would suggest where there are painted lanes present the DOLLARAMA is more likely to replace the burnt out light bulbs behind their sign. We can’t underestimate the ripple effects of these sorts of improvements.

5. It creates a natural starting point for the Strawberry Festival parade.

The Strawberry Festival has had trouble getting off the ground for the last while. I think the reigning Strawberry Queen is in her mid-40’s for crying’ out loud. Our sister city, Plant City, Florida, is starting to think we don’t care. Paint the lines and let’s get this show going!

When I finished telling him my reasons there was a long pregnant pause. I sensed he was waiting for a hug. But I couldn’t be seen hugging a local politician in public and maintain my journalistic integrity. So I invited him inside for some hugs where no one could see us. He suddenly had to go.

As I watched him run off I thought to myself, “Man, can he ever move”

Thanks for reading my article I hope they let me write more,

Carl Bunso

 

The Hoop and Holler welcomes new contributor Carl Bunso to the team.  Carl is a longtime Portage resident who is self-employed and has interests in mixed martial arts, television, country music, bowling and extreme sports.  Carl has never written professionally before but has been working on a personal manifesto for the last decade.  We will let him write more as long as he types his work and behaves himself.  Carl likes to take long walks in the woods and has travelled extensively searching for a heart of gold.  The remaining details of Carl’s life are not relevant and therefore won’t be shared.

3 Responses

  1. Shane Neufeld

    Looks like the highway dept. put some overtime in this weekend and “got ‘er done”. Traffic order has been restored. Thank you.

    Reply

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