Love Of Fat Boys & Portage Leads To Violence Shane Neufeld August 10, 2014 All Stories, Anyways..., As if..., Not Even Why I Love Portage by Carl Bunso Me and the family just returned from performing a series of concerts at county fairs in the deep south. In general, “The Bunso 5” were pretty well received by the good people of Kentucky, Tennessee , and Georgia but it is still nice to be home. Actually, when you return home you get a fresh perspective on what makes your town special and I thought I’d quickly send in an article which captures my thoughts before they disappear. Top 3 Reasons Why I like Portage: 1. I can wear my “I Love Fat Boys” t-shirt without people being angry. I think during my next travels I’ll leave this one at home. A rather portly gentleman came up to me in Nashville and asked me in kind of an angry way “AND JUST WHAT IS IT YOU LIKE ABOUT FAT BOYS??” Well, this is a long conversation as any Jimmy’s regular knows. I started describing what it feels like to sink your teeth into those soft buns and before I knew it I had a black eye. 2. Realistic real estate market. Portage people are practical people. While the rest of Canada seems to be artificially inflating the value of real estate Portage is making sure any increase in housing prices is warranted and supported by other factors. I’ve heard people getting a little upset when houses which used to sell for $140 000 are suddenly hitting the market at $290 000. But we need to realize houses are only priced to reflect market demands and the recent influx of young professionals and skilled labor is willing to pay! I wish I was privy to full economic details of this economic resurgence to really prove my point, but I am not (yet….vote BUNSO!) so I’ll just point to economic developments anyone can plainly see. There is a new store at the mall, a Great Canadian Oil Change franchise, and BOTH 7/11’s have added staff to key shifts to handle increased summer Slurpee traffic. I’m no agronomist, but I suspect any one of these has enough “boom” factor to validate any spike in housing costs. 3. Splash park petitions. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was running around on our front lawn with the neighbourhood kids. We had set up a sprinkler, filled up some old Amway squirt bottles with water, and were having a massive water fight. My friend Louie suddenly stopped dead. I dumped a pail of water on his head and he hardly blinked. Then he said, “You know what would be way better than this?” “What Louie?”, I said. “If instead of each of us having our own sprinkler, the city would buy a giant sprinkler we could all share!” I didn’t have time to respond because just then his mom called “Louie, Louie” To which Louie replied “Oh no, me gotta go.” And I’ll always regret that I missed my cue. It’s been a long time coming for dreamers like Louie who see things before the rest of us can see them. But perhaps in the not too distant future we can get a giant sprinkler we all can share. Thanks for reading and I hope they let me write again. EDITORS NOTE: After Mr. Bunso’s last article and the one lone complaint it received the editorial board had a hearing to decide Mr. Bunso’s future as a columnist with us. It was determined at that meeting to let Mr. Bunso write for us again. The decision was far from unanimous as several members of the board are quite wealthy and did not appreciate Mr. Bunso’s scathing sarcasm and satire. So it is the editorial board’s wish to not make wealthy people feel uncomfortable in any way moving forward. They should not be the target of future satire and sarcasm and only stories of their success and philanthropy should fill these posts. The wealthy are a valued minority of our society whose rights should be respected and defended. Further attacks on this minority will not be tolerated. Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.